I’ve been in Korea for 51 weeks, and for 51 weeks I’ve maneuvered my way out of ever having to use a squat toilet…

…until now…

It’s not that I’m against the squat toilet.  Like most things in Korea, it’s efficient and it makes sense.  I’ve just had this perpetual fear that I would lose my balance and become the little boy in Slumdog Millionaire (except my venture would most likely not yield any cash prizes).

But, thanks to Dr. Schulze’s Intestinal Formula 1, my trip to the gym this week put me in a situation with no choices.  So, I broke down and squatted.

…and believe it or not, I didn’t fall in.

My only complaint would be that the trash can was very full and very close to my face… many people in Korea do not flush their used toilet paper… but that’s with all toilets, not just the squatters.

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And then I realized… Korea is my new home.

This was a scary thought, and one I was not expecting.  It took me about four years to consider Connecticut as home, and even that was pushing it.  Before Connecticut there was New Hampshire, Oklahoma, and East Tennessee… none of them were what I would call home.

There is my actual hometown, but I haven’t lived there since I entered my university’s summer school program directly after high school graduation in an effort to get out as quickly as possible.

But Korea… it feels like home.

…at least for now.

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Before I moved to Korea I immersed myself in Korean movies — at least as much as I could via Netflix (which doesn’t offer all that much).  I remember watching the movies and feeling like I was in some bizarre dreamland.

The movies were very similar to Hollywood, but something was always off.  Small things were different.  The bathrooms, the restaurants, the unabashed listing of one’s faults.  But watching Korean movies was wonderful.  As Gwyneth Paltrow so breathlessly said in Shakespeare in Love, it was “a new world!”

Now, when I watch these movies I still get the same sensation of wonder; it still feels different, and yet, I realize that I’m living in that world.  It feels like I’m watching a movie within a movie.

Of course, it could be that I’m just watching better movies…

Here’s some of my favorites:

1. The Chaser (2008)
   
2. JSA (2000)
3. Oldboy (2003)
4. Memories of Murder (2003)
5. The President’s Last Bang (2005)
   
6. Oasis (2002)
7. I’m a Cyborg, But That’s OK (2006)
   
8. Secret Sunshine (2007)
9. The Show Must Go On (2007)

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My friend Na Ho after winning 1st place in his division

This weekend I went to my first bodybuilding competition.  Some friends from my gym were entering and I wanted to support them, while also realizing that the chance I’ll befriend bodybuilders again is about as likely as Bristol and Levi living happily ever after.

It was interesting.  I saw more muscles, more black bikinis, and more bronzer than I have in my entire life.

I’m also pretty sure this was the first time in my life I’ve ever been in a situation that invited pure superficial physical judging.  I’ve been to women’s’ beauty pageants, and while it is similar, they at least try to mask the superficiality of it all by throwing in talent and question sessions.  Here, it’s all about the body (and the bronzer).

Like most people, I judge people physically all the time, but like most people, I rarely admit to it; and I felt rather guilty getting to throw away years of emotional growth.

But maybe I should move more in this direction.  Most of my break-ups occur because I don’t feel an intellectual connection.  A relationship based on the size of one’s quads seems much more simple… at least if there’s an argument, you can just get out the tape measure.

And I should go easier on Bristol Palin.  At least her fiance has been in Playgirl.

Here are some photos.  You can view the full sets here and here.

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On July 9, the UN Security Council released a statement about the sinking, “condemn[ing]” the attack but not placing the blame on North Korea.  So, no new sanctions on Kim Jong Il.

This statement comes out despite a seemingly exhaustive investigation by South Korea and many international partners that found that the Cheonan was sunk by a North Korean torpedo.

The North Koreans, who have steadfastly denied the attack, were ecstatic about the UN report, calling it a “great diplomatic victory.”

But then… today we get news that North Korea has released a new propaganda poster with a fist smashing a ship that is eerily similar to… the Cheonan!  The poster says “Ready to crush any attack with a single blow!” (via JoongAng).

I realize this isn’t the first instance of duplicity on the part of North Korea, but given how hard they lobbied the UN to not be blamed for the ship’s sinking, this poster just seems to be in poor taste.  It’s like OJ coming out with his If I Did It book one week after his acquittal (because doing it 10 years later is so much more classy).

Still, some folks in South Korea seem to be a bit skeptical about North Korea’s role.  That’s understandable.  It’s not like I believed everything George Bush said about the 9/11 attacks.  It’s not like I believed what George Bush said about anything.

But hopefully, an international consensus will be reached at some point.  Otherwise South Korea and America will continue to piss off everyone (everyone = China) with their planned military exercises in the Yellow Sea.  (Btw/ what happens in a planned military exercise?)

==

Map of where the Cheonan sank.

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In many respects, the handful of people Demick interviews do lead normal lives.  They go to jobs they don’t necessarily like; the parents worry about their kids’ educations; and the kids struggle against the pressures of school, hormones, and parental expectations.

However, the differences are much more stark and unforgettable.

Most of the people interviewed ended up in Seoul by a string of chance events.  They all loved North Korea, and had no long-planted seed to defect.  But at the same time, almost all of them learned within minutes of crossing the Tumen River into China how different their lives would be.

When Dr. Kim defected into China, she came upon a bowl of rice sitting on the ground.  She couldn’t believe it because “she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen a bowl of pure white rice.”   Then she heard the dog and realized that “dogs in China ate better than doctors in Korea.”

All of those interviewed lived through the famine of the 90′s that likely killed between 1.0 to 3.0 million people.

Everyone in the book dealt with starvation, and those that lived were ridden with guilt over what they had done to survive.  Mi-ran, a schoolteacher, was never able to erase the images of her starving students and the reasons why she didn’t share her food with them.  Mrs. Song, a doting wife & mother, never forgave herself for her son’s death (this on the heels of her husband’s death the previous year and her mother-in-law’s death two years prior).

Mi-ran later discovered that that the two sisters who remained in North Korea were snatched in the middle in the night and taken to labor camps because she had defected.  And several of the mothers were never able to see their children again.

It goes on and on.  And these are the lives of the “ordinary lives” in North Korea.

I highly recommend this book.

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We also ate hamburgers, chicken, potato salad, and beer!  And to make it even more American, I was able to squeeze in a fantasy baseball trade!

But the Americanization was short lived as our attention quickly turned to the World Cup > then to our newly discovered dance club where they always seat us 2 feet from the incredibly loud speaker.

Here’s the video…

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When I first saw this video by DBSK (동방신기) I was mortified.  I didn’t understand the mittens, the headbands, the ties, or the penguin back-up dancers.

I still don’t understand it, but after several hundred viewings, I have completely succumbed to their saccharin smiles and cheesy dance moves.

Similar to a Picasso or Liza Minelli dance routine, at first you wonder what the hell you’re looking at, but after a while the brilliance seeps in and you are one.

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I’ve been wanting to write about my fat-ness for a long time, but to be honest, there’s too much to write about and I get overwhelmed…

When I came to Korea I was fat, I’ll admit it.  My last couple of years in America were not a vision of health.  But in the last 11 months, I’ve lost over 50 lbs, and I’m starting to feel good about myself.

At least, I feel good about myself until I see things like this: a drawing of all the teachers where everyone is depicted as a stick-figure except for Teacher Adam who apparently is fat enough to wear mumus.

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It made me miss my good friend Tom, who never lets a Liza moment pass without telling me about it.

Here’s the awesome video.

As an added bonus, here’s the video of when I actually got to see Liza doing Cabaret.

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If you are like me and from one of the allied nations of Turkey, Ethiopia, Thailand, Philippines, Belgium, New Zealand, Colombia, Luxembourg, Australia, Greece, The Netherlands, France, South Africa, Canada, UK, or USA; you too can join in for a romantic evening of speed dating at the War Memorial of Korea commemorating the 60th anniversary of the Korean War!

What better way to meet a future lover, spouse, or partner?  It certainly takes away the awkwardness of the first date — where to eat? what movie to see?  Now you can simply browse heavy artillery while comparing grenades.  And, if you’re lucky, you can snatch your first kiss beside an Armored Amphibious Combat Vehicle.

“This special event is being offered at no cost to participants as a way of showing gratitude and appreciation for the soldiers who sacrificed their youth and lives for the sake of Korea’s freedom and security.”

I just hope someone from Luxembourg is there… to celebrate freedom.

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After three hours, I arrived in East Soul and, after one hour and a few more subway transfers, arrived at my first interview.  I was sweaty and due to lack of sleep (and a nice little pimple that showed up the previous day beneath my right eye) my eyes looked like a 53 year old on a three-day drinking binge.

Left the first interview and made a beeline to the nearest coffee shop before heading to the second interview.  With everything finished, I collapsed on the bus, only to find myself sitting beside a couple who desperately wanted to watch the television show on full volume — this despite me saying “I hate you” in the international language of The Glare.

After spending 14 hours on buses, trains, and their respective stations, I was ready for bed.  But a friend called and we met for some beers.  Then friend #2 called and we had more beer.  Then friends #3, #4, and #5 called and we headed to a singing room.

After singing Patti Page and Barry Manilow (both to 100 scores), I finally headed home.

On Sunday, a friend and I went to Gounsa — a very nice temple near Andong.  I really enjoyed it and can’t believe I waited so long to see it.

You can view the full photo set here.

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In Korea there’s no shortage of girl groups (or boy groups), but in my opinion, the Wonder Girls are a step ahead of everyone else.  I still think So Hot and Nobody are the best pop songs (and videos) to come out of Korea (along with some Hyori and Son Dambi).

That being said, I was (like all of my 13 year old girl students) so incredibly disheartened when Sun Mi decided to unexpectedly quit the group earlier this year… Of course, what I didn’t account for was that my favorite Wonder Girl, Ye Eun, would step up and fill the void (just try to not love the dimples and mis-matched tights!).

So, I don’t really love this song, but it’s worth it for the video… and seriously, how could you not fall in love with them with these pictures?

Here’s their new song, 2 Different Tears.

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In my former life working in politics, I attended many (MANY) parades.  As a rule, I don’t like them… I’ve been scarred ever since I was forced to march for Joe Lieberman with two interns and a Joe-mobile in front of John Edwards, Elizabeth Edwards, and their enormous staff.  (NB, this was BEFORE either Lieberman or Edwards took their respective nose-dives into meaninglessness… or, at least before Edwards’.)

Aside from the beautiful lanterns and beautiful hanbok — both of which make me incredibly happy — it was so nice to see so many smiles.  I don’t typically get too many smiles from Koreans.

It’s not like Tennessee where you have to smile and say hello to everyone you see.  And it’s not like Connecticut where you have to smile and say hello to everyone you see (who has the same skin color and socio-economic status)… I just don’t get too many hello’s in Korea.  And I’m okay with that (really I am!), but it was nice to have an hour or so of endless waves.

I was also excited to try out my new Canon s90 camera, which I paid way too much money for at the Yongsan Electronics Market — learning the hard way that sometimes free trade agreements can be quite wonderful.

I’ve always carried cheap point-and-shoots, so I was pretty pumped to finally upgrade to something with more flexibility without being enormous and forcing me to carry the badge of Fake Professional Photographer.

So, here it is.  You can view the full set here (40 photos).

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It was very interesting in comparison to American festivals… by that I mean it was A LOT less annoying.  Of course, I can never figure out if I’m less annoyed because no one is talking to me or if it’s actually less annoying.

I will give Korea the benefit of the doubt on this one.  It was a great festival with booths on lantern making, temple stays, books, etc.  Plus, instead of serving fried Snickers bars, they had healthy temple food.

One of the best parts was getting to see a traditional tightrope-walking performance — called jultagi or 줄타기.  I had seen this in movies, but never live… and to channel Annie Hall, it was pretty neat!

You can see the full photo set here.

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